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2004-01-07 3:50 a.m.

poop ship destroyer and the city of god book III (not, after all, XXI)

[1. the adversities that are the only dread of the wicked; the world always suffered them although it worshipped the gods]

Well, I've stayed up much longer than I should have, and I'm currently listening to Ween. Like Pop Rocks and Pepsi, this situation is potentially explosive.

[2. had the gods, worshipped alike by greeks and romans, any reason for allowing the destruction of ilium?]

(But not really.)

[3. the gods could not have been offended at the adultery of paris; according to the stories, adultery was common amongst the gods]

So, I went to a record store today, like a RECORD record store. They were selling LPs for a dollar each, and I thought to myself, "Hey. I've got six dollars. I shall purchase!"

[4. varro's opinion, that the fiction of divine descent has its uses]

I bought five. Because plus tax it comes to more than a dollar each, so that's all I could afford. Here's what I got:

[5. that the gods punished the adultery of paris is improbable, since they did not punish that crime in the case of romulus' mother]

Tears for Fears- Songs from the Big Chair: The quintessential Tears for Fears album. I love these songs! Brings up memories of my freshman year of college. Now that was a year!

[6. the gods did not avenge the fratricide of romulus]

Elton John- Don't Shoot Me I'm Only the Piano Player: He used to write good music. There was a time when the Rolling Stones didn't suck, too, amazingly enough.

[7. the destruction of troy by fimbria, general of marius]

Various- Dixieland: A Dixieland Jazz taster. Seems like this could have been part of gramps's collection, but it wasn't. I had to get it myself. It has clarinets!

[8. should rome have been entrusted to the gods of troy?]

Joe Jackson- Look Sharp! Gotta start somewhere.

[9. is the peace of numa's reign to be credited to the gods?]

Howard Jones- Dream into Action: If it weren't for VH1 Classic, I wouldn't even have known to buy this. I bought it because it has that song from Better Off Dead, where they're fixing the car together- you know that one? I like that one. Also, turns out Howard Jones is the guy who did the "Whoa Whoa Whoa Whoa Whoa Whoa Song" (not to be confused with the "Whoa Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Song" by Jimmy Eat World). You know the one. That's on this record, too.

[10. rome could have been secure and tranquil, pursuing the aims of numa. was it desirable that rome's dominion should be increased by the mad pursuit of war?]

I enjoy grits and boiled peanuts. That is the legacy of my southern heritage.

[11. the tears of apollo's statue at cumae, a portent of disaster for the greeks]

So anyway, vinyl is a great way to buy music when you don't have any money. And I'd been looking for a cheap way to jumpstart my 80s New Wave collection, and it looks like I've found it.

[12. the many gods added to numa's establishment, but to no profit]

Oh, girls. Girls girls. Women. Curses!

[13. how the romans obtained their first rights of marriages]

Shortbread. I want Tallbread!

[14. the impiety of the war against alba; the victory gained by lust for domination]

Oh yeah. A mere two months after my interview, three and a half months after actually APPLYING, I have been informed that I am hired as a sub and have an orientation meeting on Monday. Plus I get to pay $150 for licensing and a background check, get a TB test, and go to the School Police Department (what is that? why is there such a thing? what sort of cruel god would allow a world where such things can exist? I DON'T KNOW!) to get fingerprinted. Plus instead of mailing me all the paperwork I need to fill out and turn in before they set fire to the REAL hoops I'm supposed to jump through, I had to drive all the way across town today to pick them up. Sounds like an elaborate scam to me!

[15. the lives and deaths of the kings of rome]

Oh, in the event my prospective employers ever read this... Skip the last paragraph.

[16. the disasters that marked the beginning of the consulship]


[17. continued disasters in the early republic. no assistance given by the gods]

Oh, nevermind!

[18. the crushing disasters of the punic wars; the gods offer no protection]

Time to go kill Old Yeller.

[19. the afflictions of the second punic war; both sides exhausted]

plug them holes until you see straight through to the mind's eye

[20. the destruction of the saguntines. they perished because of loyal friendship to rome; but the roman gods gave them no help]

help me scrape the mucus off my brain,


[21. rome's ingratitude to scipio, its moral standard in its 'best period']

[22. mithridates' massacre of romans in asia]

[23. the period of internal disasters, proceeded by the prodigy of madness in domestic animals]

[24. civil disorders, aroused by the gracchan disturbances]

[25. the temple of concord, on the site of riot and massacre]

[26. the various wars that followed the erection of the temple of concord]

[27. the civil war of marius and sulla]

[28. the nature of sulla's victory, which avenged the savagery of marius]

[29. a comparison between the gothic invasion, and the disasters of the gallic invasion and of the civil wars]

[30. the sequence of disasterous wars preceding the coming of christ]

[31. these disasters occurred when the pagan gods were still worshipped. it is sheer effrontery to ascribe the present troubles to christ, because of the prohibition of pagan cults]