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2004-01-31 12:38 p.m.

public service announcement: concerning my nemesis

Well, a lot has happened since I last updated. A lot.

Junko, who originally took my breaking up with her very well, has since decided she doesn't want to take it so well. It's tough. I miss her a lot sometimes.

I started work as a substitute teacher on Thursday, the 29th. It's been... interesting so far.

But we'll talk about that later.

What I really wanted to cover this time is the fact that I now have a new girlfriend.

I'm not the kind of person who always needs to be a in a relationship. Duchess was my first girlfriend and Junko was my second, and there was approximately three years in between them where I went on a date about once a year. I like being on my own. I had always thought that if I ever broke up with Junko that I would want to lay off the girls for a good long while. I'd just need a break. And actually, that's exactly what happened. I'd really rather not date anyone right now. With the exception of one person.

Within the confines of this diary, I think I will call her Nemesis.

I first met her online, about four weeks ago, through a mutual real world friend. And we've been talking for hours pretty much every night since then. The finer details of just how we came to meet are a little strange, and I don't care to discuss it here, but...

I don't know. She and I hit it off almost immediately. There was just an instant connection, an instant fit. We seemed to know exactly how to talk to each other right from the start. Nothing like it has ever happened to me before. Usually it takes me an extremely long time to get comfortable with people, to let them in and show them who I really am.

he's not the easiest person to get close to. there's a wall there.

But somehow she knew, right from the start, the location of the secret door, and everything about me is open to her.

I'm nervous. I have never moved this fast with a girl. I've never wanted to move this fast. But somehow it just feels right and most of the time I'm not worried at all. My heart is screaming at me to move forward. My brain is more or less keeping out of it, saying, "I don't know man! She's pretty cool, though! No complaints here! Heart seems to like her a lot! Maybe you should do it!" Which statement is extremely out of character for my brain. But these are special circumstances.

So yeah. She's really cool. She has great taste in music, movies, literature, art... you name it. She's frequently more knowledgeable than me in those areas, to boot. And we just think about these things, and a great many other things, in almost the same way. We say the exact same thing in reaction to this or that so often, it's kind of uncanny. Of course there are plenty of differences, as well. But somehow we just fit.

Just to make it clear, though, I did not break up with Junko in order to be with Nemesis. My growing relationship with Nemesis, however, did make me realize that the current state of things with Junko was not acceptable. One of the main problems with our relationship, from my perspective, was that my devotion to Junko was never strong enough to keep me from being interested in other girls. That had to stop. I realized it was time for a decision, that I needed to either commit 100% to Junko or let her go and find someone who would be. Talking to my aunt about it gave me some perspective and helped me come to a decision, as well. My aunt was the first person who, when I explained the Junkostuff to her, said, "Yes, that sounds a lot like a situation I was in. Here's what I did, and this is how it ended up." Anyway.

Last week I went up and spent the weekend with Nemesis (she doesn't live in Vegas). It was wonderful. I don't know, it just feels right with her.

I'm considering dropping or severely shortening my France plans in favor of her.

The Japan thing, however, is not open to negotiation. I have to go. Not going is just not an option. So. It'll be interesting to see how we handle that.

So yes. That's Nemesis. My girlfriend. An amazing person. I might even call her a fascinating woman.

why did they send her
over anyone else?
how should i react?
these things happen
to other people
they don't happen at all, in fact

following an angel,