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2005-02-04 9:02 p.m.

tear stained letter

Well, I couldn't let it be. I just sent the letter. [You might call it an email, but this was far from a "hey wassup? what r u doing tonite? you wanna hang out?" It was a letter, dammit.] I just have to make sure she knows how I feel before she goes. I have to give her one more chance.

Actually, I feel pretty good about having sent it. If she still wants to go back to Pralines and Dick, it'll be easier for me to put it behind me now because I know I did everything I could to make sure she had all the information necessary to make the right decision.

If I had to sum up the letter in one sentence (or one Bjork quote), it would be, as hinted at in the last entry, "I dare you to take me on." (Though the letter was, of course, much less confrontational than the song is.)

We'll let you know whether the challenge is accepted.

i'm gonna write a tear stained letter
i'm gonna tell you one more time
that you still could reconsider
and come back to being mine
and if you think about what i'm saying
it'll be hard to refuse
just be sure you think a long time
on the answer that you choose
it will be a most important piece of personal private news

(Tangentially, Johnny Cash's last album is really good. I got it on a lark, but I really, really like it. How is it that most artists lose their edge as they get older, but he was at his sharpest right at the end?)

In other news, I figured out why I'm a cold, stoic bastard most of the time. It's to keep stuff like this from happening. My secret heart is sensitive and fragile, and must therefore be kept behind walls of stone and steel, fire and ice, if it is to remain intact. Hearts are fragile toys, and mine is certainly no exception.

In this harsh world of ours, the sparrow must live like a hawk if he is to fly at all.

Perhaps everyone is a sparrow, on the inside...

Maybe I should affix a warning label to my heart, la Magnetic Fields:

Caution: To prevent electric shock, do not remove cover. No user serviceable parts inside. Refer servicing to qualified service personnel.

Ah, well.

News Nook.

Have I mentioned that we are totally fucked? No, you say? Well then, read this.

Of course, there's always nuclear power. Interestingly enough, nuclear power has seemed to me to be the obvious choice since I was in junior high school, for all the reasons delineated in that article. That Idaho National Engineering Laboratory they mention? My father worked there and my mother did contracting work for it. (And the Yucca Mountain thing is the main reason they moved to Las Vegas.) The INEL is the main employer in the town I grew up in. It's a national center for research into nuclear power; the first town in the world ever powered by nuclear power was Arco, Idaho. People have a lot of irrational fears where nuclear power is concerned; I never really understood why people insist on equating "nuclear power" with "nuclear bomb." Go, nuclear power!

And hey, that Bush guy? Turns out he said some pretty misleading things. Ah, like you don't know. Like I'm not preaching to choir here (so to speak). Like a majority of Americans even care.

Ugh. Is it even possible view the world intelligibly without becoming a cynic? I guess you could always become a revolutionary...

every time i get turned on you turn me off and bring me down,