Oh boy. Bad day. Past Self really did a number on me this time. The bastard. I was sicker today than I've been in a long time. Did manage to get to all my classes though. Was even more or less rational through organic chemistry, though things started sliding during physics. I'm having a little trouble truly grasping the implications of the Newton's third law- but by 11am today, I couldn't really think straight, anyway. My head starts feeling like I've vomited into my brain- mostly at the base of my neck and in my forehead. My body starts aching everywhere (my back kills, and my arms and legs are sore). My hip joints start acting weird. I start getting tingly starting near my elbow on the ulnar side, moving down my arm to my pinky, then spreading to the other side. And nauseous, too, which just made everything else worse. At first I thought it was just a result of my breakfast (which was a serving of Wellbutrin) and the fact that I didn't get nearly enough sleep last weekend. But the fact that I've vomited three times today with a fever to boot seems to indicate that it's not just the same old, same old going on. A fever is generally an indication that I've got an actual infection of some kind. Anyway- by the time I was in Japanese class, my eyes were pretty well glazed over and my consciousness was hopping in and out of reality. And in my little religious history class after that, the teacher must have thought I was stoned or something... My breathing was ragged and loud, and I kept changing positions, trying (and failing) to get even remotely comfortable- lean head against wall, rest chin on one hand on desk, try with two hands, move elbows to lap, move head between legs, start over. And near the end of class, it happened. You know, when you're nauseated, you often wonder if you're about to puke. But when it finally does come, there is this moment of clarity where you just know, "I am going to vomit within the next fifteen seconds, and there's nothing anyone can do about it." So I got up in the middle of class, and left, heading for the bathroom. I started gradually accelerating as my stomach started doing jumping jacks, warming up for its impending performance. As I got into the bathroom, I could feel that surge of "stuff" trying to tear up through my throat. I had just barely rounded the corner into the stall when a stream of vomit came spouting out of my mouth. I made an effort to aim it towards the toilet, and more or less succeeded. I've never had a long range spew before. While most of my mind and body was focused on the unfortunate reversal of fortune my esophagus was experiencing, there was a small part of my consiousness (the Beavis and Butthead portion, I suppose) that was saying, "Whoa. That was pretty cool!" I then proceeded to "dry heave" several times, which is an experience I had never before had the privilege of experiencing. It kind of hurt. It was interesting to note the kinds of noises that were coming from my vocal chords at the time of hurling, as well. But at last, my puking was finished, my throat was relaxing again, and I was covered with sweat and tears. And my stomach felt alright. And I looked around, and I could make out the world around me, and my mind was (relatively) clear. It was like seeing reality for the first time. I'd describe it as like coming down from a drug-induced high, but I don't really know what that's like, so I won't. And then I staggered back to class.

And I thought that was the end of it. It's been over a year since I puked, and it's been about eight years since I spewed more than once in a day. But, but today it seems the Porcelain Gods saw fit to damn me to the puke cycle. You know- where you feel worse and worse and worse and then you puke and you feel better and then it starts all over again. I don't know where all that stuff was coming from- I hadn't eaten anything today. I tried eating a roll this evening, but it's now somewhere in the sewer system along with a goodly amount of HCl and other fun stomach juices. Three times today, man. Pretty impressive. I've spent most of the day since I got home lying in bed trying futiley to get comfortable- my back and head are really complaining, and they just aren't happy with anything I suggest. Sometimes I can attain a type of unconsciousness, though, which is nice.

Being really sick is always an interesting experience, because you see reality differently when your whole body is wigging out... Everything gets hazy, and you seem half in reality and half somewhere else. The sensation of being hot and cold at the same time is really odd, too. Yes, I could almost enjoy this if I didn't have so many things to do. Which makes it really inconvenient. I haven't even started that Victor Hugo paper, and I need to finish up that Sartre one... Technically I need to have something to show for those tomorrow (or I guess it would be today now). They're supposed to be taping my waltz tomorrow- that could be interesting, seeing as I can hardly even stand for more than a few seconds just now. And I've got an organic chemistry test Wednesday- it's very important that I'm rational for that, you know?

We'll see if I can sleep now. I'm not too optimistic. I guess I'll see how I'm feeling tomorrow and decide whether or not to make an attempt to go to French.

That that doesn't kill me only makes me stronger, right?

this is the noise that keeps me awake
my head explodes and my body aches

an arranged marriage is not so good,

grey

Diaryland