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2000-03-10 20:41:42

don't even bother to read this

do you like bob marley?


i feel strange this evening. to be a little discontent is not unusual, but it's different just now, for some reason.

quickstep was today. i was not cut the first round. i was cut the second round. i don't think my partner was interested in excelling.

i can achieve mediocrity in anything.

sometimes i'm afraid that nothing i say or think is original. sometimes i fear i'm a collection of stereotypes. sometimes i wonder what meaning my existence as an individual has. what meaning anyone's existence has. i can't really come up with a meaning. or a reason. we exist because we don't know what else to do. wow. deep.

yet i do believe that to truly care for someone else is perhaps the greatest pleasure in life. at least for me. and yet, all too often i don't care, or i don't care enough. self-absorbed. shouldn't be so. i'm not the only one here. i don't do enough to make this place easier for others. it would make this place easier for me if i was to spend more time making it easier for others. so why don't i? in the next year, helping others is a bigger priority than wasting time on the computer. in the next 24 hours, wasting time on the computer is a bigger priority than helping others.

and why do i feel that this entry is exceptionally trite and tired? why do i feel that nothing i can say or do is new? why do i feel that i am just a repetition of an old story that's already been told too many times?

why am i too lazy to capitalize tonight?

faith no more. that's a pretty cool name for a band. most people don't stop to think about the meaning of the name, though. they do some interesting stuff. or did. there was a girl in my chemistry lab. her cousin or something through marriage was the guitar player of faith no more. you know. the one with the long curly hair and glasses.

i feel strange sometimes.

sleep is good. too good.

i'll be interested to see what i end up doing, believing, and feeling in the coming weeks, months, and years.

getting hit by a bus might be a good way to go.

yes. depression is boring. profuse apologies.

i think the shadow is a really cool superhero.

i should read some of those sandman comic books.

i like music. a lot. really.

and the days went by
like paper in the wind
everything changed
then it changed again
it's hard to find a friend

"And I knew it wasn't going to pass, and nothing for the moment could make me forget, but what I felt was inexpressible gratitude for the music, that in this horror there could be something as beautiful as that. You couldn't understand anything; and you couldn't change anything. But you could make music like that."

yes. that was an anne rice quote. so sorry.

maybe i'll go wander down to campus now and go pick up my organic chemistry test.

it's been cathartic.

i'm sure i'll be feeling better again soon. or at least, i'll recover my fragile indifference. that's always good.

off to find a reason,