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2001-03-23 05:15 p.m.

dancer in the dark

I got back two tests yesterday, and I did very well on both of them. On the way home I was feeling ready to buckle down and finish out the semester strong. When I got home I just played video games with my roommates (mostly Soul Calibur, with some Bust a Move 4 and Power Stone mixed in for fun) for five hours. FIVE HOURS! So much for productivity.

In other news, I finally saw Dancer in the Dark last night. It was the saddest film I've ever seen. It totally kicked my ass. It was all I could do to keep from breaking out in sobs at the end of it. "It would take a robot not to cry at that movie." Skip watched the last half of it with us, and he didn't get it at all. It's not that it was deep or confusing- I don't know what it was. During the last five minutes of the thing, the climax, when I can't even look at the screen because I'd lose my composure if I did, our other roommate comes in (which can't be helped) and Skip starts reciting to him his messages in a loud voice. Kelly finally shushed him. Then, the credits started rolling and the album version of the final song started playing. Emotionally, I was flat on my face at this point, and I knew that neither Kelly, Dave, nor I would dare talk until the credits were finished and that wonderful song was over. We were all too floored to say anything anyway, I'm sure. Of course, Skip starts saying stupid shit. "So Kelly, did ya like it? Dave?" I'm thinking, Do you you not have a soul, man? Shut up! He says more stupid shit and I just sit and take it. Then he says, "So... was that a commentary on the American justice system then?" I couldn't say anything in response to that- all I could do was shake my head- but I was thinking something along the lines of, NO!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? SHUT UP! Kelly just said, quietly, "No, it was just a story." After the credits are over, he says, "I liked the happy parts where they were dancing." WHAT THE FUCK, MAN?! David had to leave the room as a result of that comment.

Fortunately, Skip didn't succeed in ruining the movie for us. It was just too damn good. I can't really be angry at Skip, either- he's just ig'nant. Some people just don't experience films, books, and music the way me and the people I value do... But I can't deny now that he's different from us in a very fundamental way, that we're staring at each other from across a very wide divide. That's okay, though. When it comes down to it, I like the guy. He's just a different kind of bird.

I tend to be a stoic person, but... Often when I'm listening to a certain song, or watching a certain movie, or whatever, I wonder if anyone feels things as deeply as I do... And now I know that a lot of people, at least, really don't... Maybe the reason I'm so "non-feeling" on the surface is that my emotions would often overwhelm me and go out of control if I wasn't very careful to keep them subdued... In fact, I'm pretty sure that's it. I've often told people that the amount of emotion displayed on my face is often inversely proportional to how much I'm feeling on the inside.

Anyway, after the movie we watched the Daily Show (which we do every night). It was great, as usual. Then we talked about books and writers. William Faulkner, Kurt Vonnegut, Ernest Hemingway, Joseph Conrad, Jack Kerouac, and others... Somehow from there we got into discussing sex with pigs and rim jobs (in the context of South Park). Then we played more Soul Calibur, then we watched some of Dave's News Radio episodes. Then I went to bed, and got up at 3pm, having slept through all of my classes. sigh...

Complaining about my roommate and listing what I've done in the last 24 hours. How boring.

you're no rock n'roll fun,