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2009-05-14 2:00 a.m.

this is a lie

Well, I told her I want to see other people. And the proverbial shit proceeded to hit the metaphorical fan, making a bigger mess than I ever anticipated, extending even to flashing lights. I am officially at a loss. The "too tired not to be with you" faction gains strength.

At the same time, I've never identified with that Cure song from Wild Mood Swings as much as I do now:

why each of us must choose
i've never understood
one special friend
one true love
why each of us must lose
everyone else in the world

however unsure
however unwise
day after day
play out our lives
however confused
pretending to know to the end

She seems to have suddenly decided she loves the Eels. That was pretty unexpected after all this time. But okay.

People around me have actually noticed that I've been depressed lately, which I find disturbing. I am accustomed to people having not the slightest clue what I am feeling, and that's the way I like it.

schooled by misfortune, many and many a time, to learn nothing lasts
i yet never meant to sigh so loudly that all might know

dreaming of understanding anything at all,