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2001-05-30 12:25 a.m.

eminently adequate

Believe it or not folks, but greyarea has recently been building a very solid relationship with a girl in a neighboring apartment. greyarea is very fond of this girl. Very fond. However, this girl has a boyfriend. A boyfriend in California, who she calls on a regular basis. However, greyarea, it should be stated, is not looking to reuben another jack's jill. greyarea has relegated himself to the position of number 2. greyarea is now the number 2 of at least two girls, probably more. Remember girls, greyarea makes a great fallback guy if the one you really want doesn't work out. greyarea is eminently adequate. Anyway, the boyfriend of said girl (let us call her the Priestess of Cute, for convenience) was going to come up for the 4th of July, which would have allowed greyarea to be conveniently absent. greyarea is not sure what he would think of the man who is better than he is, and greyarea is also unsure of how he will act in the presence of said boyfriend (let us call him Ogre, for convenience)... greyarea feels it would be awkward, uncomfortable, and even painful for him to be in the presence of the Priestess of Cute and her Ogre. As of today, it was learned by both greyarea and the Priestess of Cute that the Ogre will be arriving tomorrow, as a surprise for the Priestess of Cute. gasp. Now greyarea will have to meet Ogre, and greyarea is not happy about it. The Priestess of Cute is very excited, however, and greyarea can't be too upset when the Priestess of Cute is happy.

greyarea refers to himself in the third person to distance himself from his reality.

In other news, I finally bought Midnite Vultures, by Beck, and it rules. ; > Also, this chemistry class is taking up all of my time, and I have little or no time for paltry topics such as electricity and magnetism.

Sometimes I think my ideal existence would be as a shepherd in ancient Greece, living a life of peace, seclusion, and simplicity. I'd just like to sit on a warm green hill all day, playing my pan pipes, caring for my sheep. I'd be a simple man, and I'd find a simple woman from a local village to be my wife. We'd live out our lives in comfortable obscurity... Our children might venture out to conquer the wider world, but we would remain in our hills, with our sheep and our solitude. The same part of me that would like to be a shepherd whispers to me that what I really should do is move to Alaska, get a degree in forestry, and just spend the rest of my days as forest ranger there, away from the rest of the human world, in the midst of the real world. I seldom feel more real and alive than when I'm out in the wilderness...

But another part of me wants to take over the world. Or at least change it, have an effect, make a dent. To live a life less ordinary, to play a lead role in the film of life, and not be just another nameless unimportant extra wandering in the crowd, wondering if they'll somehow end up in the final cut for a second or two...

i wanna know everything
i wanna be everywhere
i wanna fuck everyone in the world
i wanna do something that matters

wandering and wondering,