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2000-07-22 afternoon


"As she laughed I was aware of becoming involved in her laughter and being part of it, until her teeth were only accidental stars with a talent for squad-drill. I was drawn in by short gasps, inhaled at each momentary recovery, lost finally in the dark caverns of her throat, bruised by the ripple of unseen muscles. An elderly waiter with trembling hands was hurriedly spreading a pink and white checked cloth over the rusty green iron table, saying: 'If the lady and gentleman wish to take their tea in the garden, if the lady and gentleman wish to take their tea in the garden...' I decided that if the shaking of her breasts could be stopped, some of the fragments of the afternoon might be collected, and I concentrated my attention with careful subtlety to this end."

I went to bed at 8:30 last night. Then, of course, I snapped wide awake at 1 am, and just sat there for over three hours until falling back asleep again.

I did make it to shotokai this morning, though. It is a sign of my immense dedication to karate do shotokai that I EVER get up at 8am Saturday morning to go to it... It looks like I'll be a green belt soon- and that may very well be the end of my rapid advancement. Blue and brown belts aren't handed out casually. I'm hoping to get to brown by the end of another two years (I've been doing this for about fifteen months now). A black belt is not in the foreseeable future, and very likely not in the future at all unless I find someone to train me after I graduate (which would mean I stay here, or go to Champaign, Illinois, or go to western Europe). And at this point, I'm not willing to arrange my graduate life around shotokai.

If you found that last paragraph a tad boring, please accept my profuse apologies. But maybe I shouldn't be apologizing. Maybe I should be defiant. How dare you trivialize that which is important to me? I'm going to go off and sulk now. ...



Fun fact- I am a national registry certified EMT-Basic. I'll probably never do anything with that, but for the next two years, I am hirable.

I'm listening to Tchaikovsky's violin concerto right now. I think that when I retire I will learn to play violin. And somewhere in between then and now I want to learn piano, classical guitar, and use my army of genetically enhanced mutants to... umm, do something cool (just what is none of yer dang bidness, now is it?). I've already got some basic skill in these areas, but not enough to say "I play classical guitar/piano" or "My army of genetic mutants can do cool stuff." I don't even have an army of mutants yet... Baby steps- gotta keep telling myself that. Baby steps. Isolation of caffeine from tea today, army of mutants tomorrow (or maybe the next day).

Have I ever mentioned that it is really easy to make heroin out of morphine?

I've been on both sides of the "unrequited love" equation, and I gotta tell ya, I prefer to be the one whose love is going unrequited. Having to deny some girl the object of her desire is good for the ego and all, but I just don't like doing it. But maybe I just prefer it when some girl is putting the smackdown on me because I'm a sick emotionally masochistic bastard.

I take my hat; how can I make cowardly amends
for what she has said to me?

I'm listening to Tchaikovsky's violin concerto today. I think I already said that. ... I must be running out of things to say today. Which is not to say I ever had anything important to say, anyway, but...

Very, very little is happening in my life right now.

pas ce soir, cherie...

I had a very odd dream right before waking this afternoon. It was a mishmash of Dragonball Z, Sailor Moon, Powerpuff Girls, and Calvin and Hobbes (of all things), and the twisted workings of my own mind. I could fly, though. That was cool.

goodbye kitty,