Well, guess what kids? greyarea has been cast in a play. Like, a play that people will pay to see, with people who are majoring in theatre. Now, greyarea does not think of himself as an actor, but the director was desperate and he was willing.

cut her play into pieces
i am her last resort

[oh, i so amuse myself]

I took an acting class about a year ago, and afterwards pretty much decided I didn't want to pursue it at all seriously. For one, being in a play takes up a lot of time. And for another, there's the whole vulnerability thing, which is the essential element of good acting- letting your real emotions come out without inhibition, on command. I'm not a guy who likes to go around displaying his emotions, especially when those emotions are just going be judged and ripped apart by the director.

But I am interested in acting- I love the idea of getting to be someone else. However, I don't think it's really my bag in a "lifetime pursuit" kind of way. So, anyway, my audition was today, and the director managed to kick me in the nuts until I was performing the script the way she wanted it, and she gave me the part. Basically because I'm about the only person they could find. I'm not a great actor. But I'd say that I can act. I have virtually no experience, so I can use that to write off the fact that I suck.

Oddly enough, I'm inclined to put an exceptional amount of effort into doing a good job with this role, just to prove that I could. It's a challenge. Most people wouldn't think of me as having skill in acting, so of course I have to prove these hypothetical critics wrong. It's somehow harder for me to put that kind of effort into things I'm expected to be good at... I guess I don't have to try as hard, and so I end up slacking sometimes.

Though I have to admit I'm a bit apprehensive about this whole thing... I'll just have to summon up some of my characteristic confidence bordering on arrogance... But the thing is, my relative success or failure in this isn't as important as it would be in other things. Acting really isn't wrapped up in my self-image the way other things are. Failure in acting doesn't mean personal failure in the same way that failure in biochemistry or music or writing would... The Bhagavad Gita says discipline is the result of action without regard to success or failure. I guess there's some merit to that approach. (Though that kind of attitude goes a long way in explaining why the Brits trampled over India and other eastern cultures back in the day- but that's a topic for another day). Whatever happens, I'm sure this will be an experience worth having. I think it's important to always be trying new things, always learning, not getting in a rut, not defining yourself too strictly, not getting too accustomed to the way your life has come to be... To quote my character (who is terminally ill), "Why not take in everything in life? As much as you can, anyway, and as long as you can."

By the way- tonight (this morning?) I'm listening to 40 Oz. To Freedom by Sublime.

we're only gonna die for our arrogance,

greyarea

Diaryland