Previous Current Older Next Contact

2003-08-04 1:41 a.m.


excuse me
but i just have to
explode this body
off me
i'll be brand new tomorrow
a little bit tired
but brand new

Oh, I've just been at it again. Pacing in the dark, brooding. You thought I was past this, dincha?

I periodically get in these moods where I can't sleep, can't be still, can't think clearly... Somehow I must solve my problems here and now and yet I'm not even sure what my problems are and even if I did know what they are I'm certainly not in a state of mind to come to rational conclusions about them.

From there I go into trying to figure out what instigated this mood- perhaps I can figure out a cause if not a solution...

Junkostuff's been on my mind a lot, lately. I've been discussing it to death with almost everyone I know. I seem to want someone to decide for me but at the same time I resent any indication that anyone else thinks they have any clue of what our relationship is really about. So I've been paddling in circles, as usual.

And there seems to be a small group of people interested in looking to me for advice and support in their struggles. I suppose it's because they see corollaries between their own difficulties and difficulties that I have come through, seemingly resolved and at peace. Really, I'm flattered, but I don't know what makes them think I know the path of wisdom from my own ass. I had no mentor, no listening ear, no sympathetic heart that understood what I was going through at the time, so why should they? Then I think that my lonely experience should make me more sympathetic and willing to help those still in the quagmire. But then I realize that I have no counsel or comfort to give- I'm not even sure I'm out of it myself.

the trick is to keep breathing

That's the only advice I have.