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2001-08-05 7:28 p.m.

fighting fascist beauty standards OR i'm a lithe punk

I might have hurt Junko's feelings today. I told her she's a slave to fascist beauty standards. Because I really think she is... I feel bad if I hurt her, but... I can't feel bad for stating the truth as I see it. I dunno. I can be a tactless ass, sometimes. sigh...

I like Junko a lot. She's become one of my best friends in the last couple of months. I just think she's too concerned with how she looks, and that she tends to judge her own value based on her appearance...

Am I hypocrite when it comes to this kind of stuff? Girls who are always obsessing about how they look tend to annoy me. A lot of makeup turns me off. I actually prefer it if girls don't wear ANY makeup. I don't like the idea of kissing a girl with heavy lipstick on, and I just don't really GET makeup. But on the other hand, I expect girls to take care of themselves. I expect them to eat right and exercise. I want them to be athletic, not because they want to lose weight, but because they enjoy being active. I want them to look good. I want them to want to look good. For the purposes of friendship, whether a girl is pretty or not doesn't matter that much, but as for judging whether or not a girl is "girlfriend material," the first question is "does she make the cutoff, as far as looks are concerned?" I feel guilty for being concerned with appearance, but I feel sexual attraction is a prerequisite for romantic love. I used to make excuses, like "I want an athletic girl," which is true really, but finally I realized that it comes down to this: I'm not going to marry someone I don't want to have sex with. I'm not going to bind myself to having sex with one person more or less regularly for the rest of my sexual life unless I find them that attractive. That's just the way it is. (Though keep in mind that if I like a girl personally, she automatically becomes more attractive physically. (And if I don't like the personality of a pretty girl, she becomes less pretty. It also goes the other way, though- I (and humans and general, according to psychologists) tend to automatically ascribe positive characteristics to attractive people and negative characteristics to unattractive people, regardless of what kind of people they really are. (Wow. That was parenthetical...))) And of course, I must have someone at least as pretty as I am... ; >

By the way, maybe I should explain what I mean when I refer to myself as hot or good looking or pretty or whatever. The key word here, really, is "pretty." If girls find me attractive, it's because I'm attractive in a non-threatening, almost androgynous way, not because the brute force of my masculine virility arouses their feminine lust. (Though apparently when I'm wearing my black trench coat and looking sullen I can intimidate guys twice my size.) I'm not a manly man. I'm short, skinny (I prefer the term "wiry," thank you- or maybe "lithe." yeah. "lithe.") and I shave maybe twice a week (and few people notice if I don't shave at all). But all the anime I've watched has given me pride in being an Androgynous Male. Though really, when I call myself "pretty," you can translate that as "a skinny little punk." "A lithe little punk," I mean. Think of it as a running joke.

I slept 15 hours last night. My body will only tolerate so much insomnia coupled with being forced to get up early before it forces me to recover. Of course, this just creates a self-perpetuating cycle. You'd think sleeping a lot one night would mean that I don't need to sleep so much the next night. But no. It just means I can't get to sleep until later the next night, but my body still wants the same amount of sleep as always once it gets to sleep. sigh...

Oh, ONE MORE THING. My roommate reported today that apparently the Priestess of Cute is now engaged to Ogre. What what? During a conversation on this, another roommate commented, "Yeah, greyarea probably could have stolen her, but he decided not to." What WHAT? That's news to me, man. greyarea could have tried to steal her and gotten the smackdown, but... Did he have actual reason to say that, or was he just talking about something he really knows nothing about? food for thought. (just let it go, man.)

we're vacant,