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2003-08-25 8:13 p.m.

air waitress

Today I got on a plane at noon, and about 14 hours later it was 6:30 pm.

On my last flight, one of the flight attendants looked kind of like Jennifer Connelly. She didn't have much in the way of calves, though. A woman must have well-formed calves if I am to find her at all attractive. It's not that I'm attracted to calves so much as that I'm faintly repelled by lack of calves. Well-formed calves are a pre-requisite to attractiveness, in my book, you could say.

"You know, on some airlines it's a compliment to be called an 'air waitress.'"

The in-flight film on this last of flights was "What a Girl Wants." I did not want to watch it, no, not at all. But damn that Amanda Bynes and her cursed spunk! I was drawn to it. Ultimately I compromised- I watched the movie, but I listened to Ween instead of the film's audio track. It was also nice in that the film was set in London, and many of the locations were places I had been not 24 hours earlier.

Whenever I feel confused and disoriented, if I just listen to Ween everything falls into place.

Perhaps you'll get a more lucid account of my English travels next time. For now, sleep.

don't get 2 close 2 my fantasy,