1: long love
"And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee." Matthew 18:9 I met WTF over four years ago, and we have been an item for a little less than four years. About a month ago I informed her that I didn't want to marry her. In the meantime we continued on almost exactly as we had before. Things went well between us. But on August 12th, she left for parts unknown. And so here we are. a grey sky, a bitter sting Somewhat surprisingly, she seemed to handle the day of parting much better than I did. I think she worked through a lot of her feelings when I first loudly proclaimed my dissatisfaction back in April. i just couldn't leave it alone
it's nothing that i haven't seen before I'm feeling rather shell-shocked at the moment. I have no idea if I did the right thing, or if I made a terrible mistake. But, I made a decision and forced it through to its bloody conclusion. And so here we are. my brain's the cliff I don't know if I can do this anymore. If I find myself in this situation yet again, I don�t think I'll have the resolve to make the kill. I'm not even sure I have it this time; she made it clear that she will come back any time I ask. All this is so much like it was with Junko; it's disturbing. sometimes i think this cycle never ends She was my best friend. I really wanted to want to marry her, which I suppose is why this lasted as long as it did. I've had strong reservations about the relationship for years, but I just wanted it to work out. I just couldn't make it happen, though, and eventually I had to accept that it was time to bring out the shovel. And so here we are. it doesn't matter what you say and every time i try to pick it up, like falling sand Her favorite band (in fact, her overriding obsession) is called B'z. One of their songs, called ながい愛 ("Nagai Ai"; "Long Love") seems to describe the arc of our relationship extremely well. (Translation of lyrics available upon request.) if someday the world fades away She used to meow or bark at me to get my attention. And I keep thinking I hear her. It's as if her living spirit is haunting me, like Rokujo in the Tale of Genji. なにもかもすり減らしながら生きる, greyarea (all life is the process of slowly wearing away)
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