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2008-11-03 11:12 p.m.


Anymore, whenever I sit down at the computer and find myself needing to type something into a Word document or a search bar, I frequently find my mind goes briefly blank and I am struck by an urge to type the word "dog" multiple times. Often I do actually type it in once or twice before I remember what I was actually planning on typing. Isn't that the first sign of jungle madness? Or is it graduate school madness? Let's call it space madness.

they think I'm CRAZY
but I know better
it is not I who am crazy
it is I who am mad

So, it was Halloween the other day. I was informed by the relevant authorities that if it hadn't been Halloween, I would have been arrested. So I guess we can mark that down as a success.

Research is coming along. Kind of. Some things are working. And maybe I'm getting used to the lifestyle.

Hard to believe, but WTF and I have been together for over three years now. That's the longest either of us have been in a relationship.

She recently announced her intention to return to Japan. This seems to be based primarily on the fact that she feels her failure to make significant improvements on her TOEFL scores does not justify continued expenditure in order for her to be here, rather than on the state of our relationship, but there is the subtext there that our relationship alone is not strong enough to justify her staying.

Maybe she's just waiting for me to ask her to stay.

But in classic greyarea fashion, I'm not sure if that's what I want. It's the old battle between "if this was right you wouldn't have to wonder whether it's right" versus "love is not a victory march- you better realize the value of what you've got before it's gone."

Maybe some time apart would be good. Maybe she could come back on a fiancée visa.

There are a number of other women who have expressed interest in me. Objectively speaking, I wouldn't mind getting involved with one of them. I find myself daydreaming about them regularly. But in reality I find it hard to imagine being in a relationship with anyone other than WTF right now.

I dreamt I was an assassin. I was in an assassin competition, complete with paired brackets, where whoever killed their opponent won the round. I think the winner got a permanent position with some shadowy organization. I had made it to the final round, and my opponent was a young woman who I knew to be extremely dangerous. She came to see me, informing me of how useless it was to try and kill her. I didn't have any real weapons with me, but I expected her to attack me at any moment, so I grabbed a wooden pencil and stabbed her multiple times in the solar plexus. Then I threw her off the balcony of my hotel room, which was on a very high floor. She landed on a veranda halfway down. I looked away for a moment, and when I looked back, her body was gone. I then set off to try and determine whether she was really dead or not, while taking pains to (hopefully) avoid being killed by her in the event she was still alive. The dream ended before the question was resolved.

I'm excited for the election tomorrow. I have high hopes for this Obama fellow.

i've had this ice cream bar since i was a child,