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2000-02-02 20:38:46

i don't feel i need to explain my art to you

Okay, let's try something. Did it work?

I've never seen a cheesecake that looked like that before. I guess I'll just have to get used to it. As long as it tastes good, right?

I sleep. I need sleep. More than most college students, apparently. Some of these people can cruise by on 5 or 6 hours a night. Not me. Nine or ten is what I need. Less, and I start fading. I only got six last night... Got home from school and slept for two hours. Still feeling fried. Ahh, but when am I not? It can make it difficult to be a college student when sleep is your number one priority. Mornings are hell. Hell hell hell. If you know me, you've probably heard this little simile before, but getting to class in the morning makes me feel like a small animal caught in a trap that has to chew its own leg off to escape. It's not fun. Sometimes I don't quite make it. Monday, for instance, I didn't go to any of my classes. Oh, sure, I planned on it. I was even going to get up early to do homework or something. But oddly enough, when morning came around, my priorities suddenly seemed vastly different from what I had thought they were the night before.

So. Those guys from the Jingshan Martial Arts school in China came back again last night [yes, I'm going to make the fallacious assumption that you know what I'm talking about]. Pretty flashy stuff, to be sure, but I wouldn't trust it to actually be effective. Anyway, they taught us some katas (what is the Shaolin Kung Fu term for kata?). So I now know a spiffy little kung fu kata. Chuck's been hanging out with them a lot since they've been here. [For future reference, Chuck is female.] I asked her if she learned anything new last night, and she responded, "More than you would think." Whatever, sweetie. After we were done there for the night, she went with them back to their hotel. More "education," I guess.

For the record, I'm a student of karate do shotokai. I've only been doing it for about a year, so I'm far, far from effective with it. Maybe sometime I'll drone on about why I think it is so great, but for now I'll just say effectiveness of techniques and focus on real world combat as opposed to looking cool and tournament fighting are the ideals of shotokai.

Chuck might get to go to China for free this summer. And she asked me if I wanted to come along in the event they let her bring someone. I was a little surprised to hear that. I mean, I've been looking for the opportunity to run off to some foreign country, saying "screw it" to everything I'd left behind... But I'm not sure now is the right time, ya know? I had kind of planned on more or less finishing my undergraduate education first... And would I really want to go with her? That would imply an intimacy in our relationship that I really don't want to... imply. uhh, yeah.

Why do I feel such a need to travel, to get the hell out of here? Why do I have this odd desire to leave behind my life up to this point? One reason is, I suppose, that things have just turned out radically different from how I'd always assumed they would be... and I'd rather not be in an environment where I'm reminded of what I was supposed to become. I want to experience different ways of living and thinking, too.

I think beds are an unnecessary luxury. The only reason I don't sleep on the floor is because I'm afraid my roommate would step on me in the morning. It just feels more natural to me to sleep on the floor.

It dropped so low- in my Regard-
I heard it hit the Ground-
And go to pieces on the Stones
At bottom of my Mind-
Yet blamed the Fate that flung it- less
Than I denounced Myself,
For entertaining Plated Wares
Upon my Silver Shelf-

That's an Emily Dickinson poem, by the way.