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2002-03-26 12:51 a.m.

psychology killed my girlfriend

What the hell. Let's write an entry.

Last week was the pinnacle of me being busy. It's all downhill from here- I'll probably only have one final.

And yet, I'm having trouble convincing myself to do anything school-related right now. Now that immense amounts of things to do aren't pushing me onward, nothing is pushing me to do what there still is to get done... ah well.

I saw The Count of Monte Cristo the other day. I liked it. I dig stories like that. I learned French because of stories like that. 3 stars.

I also saw Playing By Heart the other day. I didn't think I would care much for it ("Playing By Heart?" Could you pick a more generic romantic comedy movie title? "Dancing About Architecture" would have been way better), but I really dug it. I love Gillian Anderson and Jon Stewart (even if he does tend to play the same character in every movie he's in). Dennis Quaid's character was awesome. Imitating Sean Connery is always amusing. I don't like Angelina Jolie as much as some people, but... This was probably the most attractive I've ever seen her. She done good. The Ryan Phillippe character really hit me where I live, as well. That whole Keenan/Joan thing really got me. 3 stars. Anyway...

Tune in next time for the report by The Provisional International Committee on the History, Mechanism, and Safety of Gasified Candy, entitled "Pop Rocks: The Candy, The Legend."

But for now, let's turn the clock back a bit.

About a month ago I returned to my home town to spend a weekend with Duchess. Things have been a little strained between us since August. After a talk with Kelly, I came to a realization that Duchess was the focal point of my life for almost a decade and that I should be careful about letting that slip away. I talked to Junko about it, and she was cool with the idea of me going up there.

As it turned out, the trip really just served to put the final nail in the coffin... We didn't have any arguments (mostly because I made every effort to avoid them), but it was just painfully obvious to me that we no longer fit together like we once did... It went pretty well when we could slip into old patterns and when we were with her six year old sister, but...

She talked a lot, mostly about herself, without asking me anything about myself (actually, I can think of one exception). But I can't be angry at her for not saying exactly what I wanted her to, without giving her any instructions on what exactly I wanted. I hate it when girls do that, so I can't justify doing it myself.

She's really into this psychology stuff. Me- I put psychology right above astrology on the legitimacy scale. It's a pseudo-science. It has its uses, but best not to take it too seriously. I think the fact that most of the theories of the "founder" of psychology have been debunked is very telling...

Anyway, at one point she spouts off with this: "One thing psychologists believe- well, some psychologists, anyway- is that just because something is proved wrong doesn't mean it's false. And I thought, 'That's genius! I'd like to shake the hand of the person who came up with that!'" I'm just sitting there thinking, "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard you say." I said nothing, of course.

So at some point I mention how I only eat one meal a day, so I can save money to spend on music, books, films, anime, etc. And she says, "That totally goes against Mazler's [or whoever's] five theorems! That's unbelievable!"

I say I've never heard of this Mazler or his theorems, and she is appalled. How could I not know something so basic? (Turns out Mazler's whatever is the stepwise priority list humans go through, from protection from bodily harm, to fulfilling basic bodily needs, on up to personal fulfillment.] I say, "Well, the concept of a transcription factor seems pretty basic to me, but you probably don't know what that is."

"Well, that's not important."

"If you didn't have them, you wouldn't be able to live."

"But I don't need to know about them to live. Mazler's theorems help you find happiness."

Oh yes, Mazler's theorems are the key to happiness. If only everyone knew about them, everyone would be happy. Psychologists are happier than anyone else because they learn all this stuff. At least transcription factors are unchanging biological fact, not the transient opinion of some pseudo-scientist.

Of course, I didn't say that, but I did mention that I don't need to know of Mazler or his theorems to understand what they mean. Everyone knows you don't start looking for food until you've escaped from whatever's trying to kill you. Everyone knows you don't start creating art until you've found food. I don't need fancy theorems to tell me that. And the fact is, my choices in respect to food and art are in harmony with my priority list. Food is important, but you should be careful about consuming more than enough. Too many people in this world have less than enough for me to justify gorging myself everyday... It's like philosophy majors who think that if you don't know the official names for all the logical fallacies that you don't know anything about them.

She's so into this stuff. Kelly's a psychology major now too, but he's doing it because he wants to help people, not because he has any illusions about its validity. Duchess's well-intentioned but ultimately misguided attempts at psychoanalyzing me are, in my opinion, the reason for our August blow-up. Psychology ruined her for me...

Anyway, I mostly stayed quiet when she said things which tempted me to "get into it." I just don't feel close enough to her anymore to bother summoning up the energy to argue. It was ultimately a nice weekend, but it quashed any residual desire I might have had to get back together with her.

When I really think about it, it makes me very sad. She was my world for so long... I miss her. I hope we find a way to stay friends.

confusing the wheat and the tares,