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2001-08-11 3:42 a.m.

the moment you've all been waiting for

Ah, damn. Several months ago, Kelly said that I was due for a short, ill-advised relationship with a girl (like everyone else in my apartment had been having all year). I laughed. Yeah right. I'm too careful to do that.

But here I am. I kissed Junko tonight. I think... I think I have a girlfriend now. I told her What Every Mormon Girl Wanting to Date Greyarea Should Know, and I also told her that she's not the kind of person I see myself marrying. She's cool with that. I also told her how I know she's a little disappointed in the behavior of the guys she's dated recently, and that I really don't want to be just the next jerk in line...

The only things we really have in common are that we both like Ben Folds Five, we both like going to see movies, and we feel comfortable together (though the move towards a somewhat more physical relationship tonight was a bit awkward- I guess that's to be expected). I'm just afraid I'll spend the whole time trying to make her into an intellectual, and that I'll fail... For just being friends, I don't care if her depth doesn't extend far beyond Shel Silverstein and Swordfish, but I need a little more from a girlfriend, you know? I don't know... My heart has mixed feelings about what's happening here, and my head is saying, "What the hell are you doing? Are you insane?"

Some girls just inspire in me a great desire to see them happy and content and smiling and safe. Junko's one of those. She just draws out the tenderness in me...

She will not break my heart. I have not (and likely will not) invest my hopes for the future in her. But I'm scared to death I'll break her heart. please don't let me break her heart...

(Dude, can you seriously date a Boston fan?)

how's it going to end?