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2001-10-07 1:26 p.m.

an echo, a stain

Yesterday I saw a green bug with wings that look exactly like leaves. It was neat-o. I like bugs, you know. I like anything that's alive. I'm fascinated by life. It's a big reason why I'm majoring in biochemistry- I want to understand (and perhaps manipulate) the underlying machinery of it all. Fascinating.

Junko and I went up to Sundance yesterday. She really appreciates the beauty of nature. This pleases me immensely.

I also saw Ghost World last night. I think I liked it. However, I can't really think of anything to say about it. Except- "Steve!"

I had a dream a while ago about "victorious young triads," if you can believe that. The other night I had a dream in which I was Ryu from Street Fighter II and I was fighting bad guys with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

People seem to think the region right between sleeping and waking is when we think the most clearly, when we are at our most creative. I think we are more creative at that time (at least, I am). It seems to me I can write such beautiful music, multiple parts all in harmony, without any effort at such times. But I know as it is happening that were I to sit up and try to write it down or some such thing, it would all disappear, like a snowflake melting after it hits warm glass. ... However, this state of mind is the worst possible for thinking logically and mathematically, in my experience. Often when calculation type problems are on my mind, I end up thinking about them and trying to solve them when I'm half awake, lying in bed. But my brain inevitably twists around the parameters of the problem and the rules of logic and mathematics, such that I am working very hard on a new problem that I cannot possibly solve. These have been some of the most frustrating moments of my life. I have to keep reminding myself at these times that the problem I'm working on is not the real problem, and that everything will be much clearer when I'm completely awake. It's really not a good state of mind for considering science, I don't think...

I'm really enjoying my protein and DNA labs. For the first time I'm really excited about my major. I'm really itching to get into a laboratory and synthesize all the things I'm learning in an effort to understand (and perhaps manipulate) the machinery of life...

the darkest pit in me is pagan poetry,