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2002-02-08 just after midnight, yo

walking in the clouds

Wow, two days in a row. What's come over me? Apathetic procrastination, most likely.

I've been keeping track of this for a while now, and the two most common search engine queries people use to get to my site are how to get girls to like you and how to make heroin from morphine. (Now I imagine most of those people will get directed to this entry, but at least I was kind enough to provide links to what they're actually looking for...) Keep in mind I couldn't tell you how to do either of those things off the top of my head, but I could point you in the right direction (or away from the wrong direction, anyway).

Every once in a while, someone reads a whole slew of my entries at once. This makes me feel good, because it makes me think someone out there actually appreciates my spewings. If you've ever done this (or are doing it), send me an email and introduce yourself to me, if you haven't already, because I want to know you.

To be quite honest, when I go back and read my old entries, I'm pretty pleased with what I find there. Why don't more people love me as much as I love me?

Maybe I should advertise.

Or update more.

Or stop being so... you know.

What else have I been thinking about lately? I watched Empire of the Sun again the other week. I'd seen it before, but it must have been a while since I last saw because it hit me quite differently this time. I was much more sensitive to and cognizant of what the film maker was trying to DO this time, and I found the film much more powerful than I remembered. Also the last time I saw the film I didn't recognize John Malkovich and Ben Stiller... I guess my knowledge of and appreciation for film has increased a lot the past few years. It was odd to watch a film you've seen several times as if it was the first time you've seen it... I think it's probably my favorite World War II film. I think it treats everyone involved with both honesty and respect. It might even qualify for a place in the top five... It gets the four stars.

One thing I'm debating right now is how ambitious I really want to be. Because it seems the more ambitious you are professionally, the more sacrifices you have to make in your private life. And I've been realizing recently that I'm not really willing to sacrifice too much of my free time and hobbies (at least not for extended periods- like years) for my profession. Not to mention I have a much lower tolerance health-wise for stress than most... But maybe something will come along inspiring me to devote myself fully to it... Sometimes I hope something does.

pith vs. pithy.

Sarah. I mentioned Sarah (or Little Wing, as I sometimes call her in my head) recently, and I feel like talking about her a little now- I've been thinking about her a lot since I got her letters. In fact, I just wrote a huge (though poorly structured and not very much to the point) essay about her in here, and then cut it out. It's too long, too boringly personal, and this entry is probably already past its prime. I don't know. It's just that she's been a major figure in my life for the past few years, and it seems odd that I've never really specifically mentioned her before. I think it was almost a game I played with this diary- "how long can I go without ever mentioning Little Wing?" Anyway, if you really want to read what I wrote about her, though, email me and I'll send it to you.

Just three things about Little Wing:

1. Kelly liked to call us "a relationship on the verge of reality."

2. She is the only person from my real life I've ever considered telling about this diary thing.

3. Our general consensus is that we would not be able to tolerate each other if ever we "hooked up" (to use a phrase that has probably never passed her lips).

with a circus mind that's running round,